I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
