I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
