i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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