Welp...herpes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
