life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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