I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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