Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
