i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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