The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
