just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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