Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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