Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
