This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
