For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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