dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
