The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
A+ Viking dick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
