I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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