She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
