check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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