Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
