I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
