you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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