We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
