Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
