Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
