Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
