Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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