He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
