my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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