my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
