chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
