Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
