it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life