Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  just come out here and I will go home with you...

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  (434): just come out here and I will go home with you... http://tfl.nu/cpqx
  Replies (1) Good night (1184) Bad night (499)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about

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  (773): i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about http://tfl.nu/411c
  Replies (24) Good night (1009) Bad night (620)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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  (214): I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work http://tfl.nu/fhj1
  Replies (47) Good night (709) Bad night (3385)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.

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  (940): I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you. http://tfl.nu/qbhx
  Replies (11) Good night (720) Bad night (3717)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

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  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
  Replies (22) Good night (9161) Bad night (1121)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.

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  (419): He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/bo6z
  Replies (23) Good night (876) Bad night (7419)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.

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  (617): your philanthropy is ruining my sex life. http://tfl.nu/l4rt
  Replies (7) Good night (881) Bad night (2435)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...

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  (+44): got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night... http://tfl.nu/vdnw
  Replies (11) Good night (2823) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable

  (678): View more from Georgia

  not having any beer money sounds even more miserable

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  (770): I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable (678): not having any beer money sounds even more miserable http://tfl.nu/amg8
  Replies (3) Good night (1978) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.

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  (503): You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks. (503): Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks. http://tfl.nu/twir
  Replies (2) Good night (590) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.

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  (610): Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls. http://tfl.nu/zc4i
  Replies (6) Good night (947) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x

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  (+44): No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x http://tfl.nu/ydw7
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.

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  (972): I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight. http://tfl.nu/5kki
  Replies (7) Good night (259) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material

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  (+44): I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material http://tfl.nu/6zdu
  Replies (6) Good night (1325) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear

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  (617): He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear http://tfl.nu/svv0
  Replies (3) Good night (406) Bad night (204)

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