I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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