I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.