he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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