I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is