Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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