Having a random hookup so left but love u
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
