I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The uberlube is also flammable
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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