I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it penis luge time yet?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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