On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
