Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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