Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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