So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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