im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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