please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
