I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this boner is exhausting
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
