i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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