I want to have your abortion
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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