My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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