I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
