btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
this hospital has no fireball
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
