Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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