Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
