i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
