He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
