i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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