Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
