drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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