the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
