Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
