I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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