If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
