i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.