When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.