In the future we'll all be gay
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza