I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
