Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it