Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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