living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
