i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
