Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
