Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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