Cold hands, warm shart.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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