seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
