It's Friday. Sex?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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