your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
