after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
