his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
